How am I as a Mom?

I struggle so much with patience as a mom. And I feel guilty - guilty over doing and not doing everything. I am not perfect. I am always a work in progress and sometimes, I wonder if I could ever be a good mother. I love my kids, dont get me wrong. But sometimes, I get emotionally frustrated, I yell at my 1 year old son, I get annoyed by my 2 month old son who wakes up at 2,3,4,5,6,7 in the morning... I know they are kids but sometimes, I think I am crazy and mad and I dont understand them, even myself... And then I feel more guilty. I dont think I am doing any good. I wonder how my kids see me as their mom. I will always wonder until I can get to ask them.

Oh my... I'm gonna cry :(


http://momonpurpose.net/2013/10/30/describe-yourself-as-a-mother/

IMMA CONFESSED HUMAN NATURE ADDICT

WILL ORDER 3 OF THIS WHEN I GO BACK TO WORK.

AND MORE OTHER PRODUCTS, TOO!

OH MY.. I'M AN ADDICT!

IKAW by Yeng Constantino

Ikaw
Ang pag-ibig na hinintay
Puso ay nalumbay ng kay tagal
Ngunit ngayo'y nandito na..

Ikaw, ikaw
Ang pag-ibig na binigay
Sa akin ng Maykapal
Biyaya ka sa buhay ko
Ligaya't pag-ibig ko'y ikaw..

Read more: Yeng Constantino - Ikaw Lyrics | MetroLyrics

October 20 Baby

Here is our second baby boy, Zeo. Normal delivery by a private OB in a humble maternity clinic near our home. He was a big little Zeo at 3.5 kilos when he got out of me, cord coiled and turned bluish black because of the strangling. But thank God for each perfect moment of my last hardest push, the perfect moment when they catched the baby, the perfect moment when the doctor cut the cord around the baby's neck, and all other perfect moments I can't remember anymore.

Now, on his 2nd week here on the outside world (outside the womb, that is), he drinks lotsa lotsa milk from the cow (formula), and some power breastmilk from human (me).

I am happier compared to my 1st born. I had post partum depression last time I gave birth but this time, I seem to be more prepared and readier to face the mother duties and challenges.

Basta, all great thanks to God.

Meet Zeo Xeven MT, the new gangster in town :)

I love you, Kid! - Nanay

Dream Coming True

Nung nalaglag ka sa lupa at para bang wala nang gustong pumansin sayo dahil hindi ka na kasingganda at kasingkinang kagaya ng dati, ikaw pa rin ung gusto kong makasama habangbuhay.

Noong para bang wala nang kwenta ang bawat araw, ang paniniwala ko, ibinigay uli tayo sa isat isa para maintindihan natin kung gano pa din katamis ang mabuhay sa gitna ng kawalan, sa gitna ng kapaitan, sa gitna ng kahihiyan at kahirapan.

May pagpapasalamat pa din sa Kanyang nagbigay ng kulay sa mundo nating parang nawalan ng buhay.

Napakadami nating natutunan sa mga nagdaang panahon. At salamat sa Dios na habang tayo ay natututo, di naman tayo pinapapabayaan.

At ngayon nga, taas noo ako, di man sa maraming salita, na bumabati at nagagalak na nasaksihan ko ang mga pangrap mong unti-unting natutupad.

Kasama mo kami ng pamilya mo sa hirap at ginhawa, may pera o wala, sa kalungkutan at kasiyahan, sa tampuhan at lambingan.

Salamat sa Dios. Ikaw ang kasama ko sa buhay na ito.

Pa-autograph naman dyan! Naaaaaks! haha -MHDP

From The Clingy Wife

I confess....
I am too much to handle.
Thank God, He gave me Happy.
I can never ask for more.
I just wanna say I am sorry if I am not taking care of this precious gift the way I should. But I love him the way I know how to love.
This is for him :)

Momma Talk

Today is my day off from work. Last night, we sent off my son's yaya, aiai, to the airport for a 2 week vacation to her hometown in GenSan. My fear of her not coming back again is like 95% but 5% is all about holding on to her words that she'll come back on August 27. I helped her buy her plane ticket via Cebu Pacific's piso fare promo 2 months ago. When she told me that she wanted to have a break and go home for a vacation, I, right away, understood her feelings. It is really exhausting taking care of a child and at the same time, keeping the house in order. It is really tiring and really stressful. It has been a year since she joined our family as a house help. So, i think, she deserves a break. But you know, if I were selfish, I wouldnt allow her to leave.

So starting yesterday, my mother-in-law is looking after hariell until the next 2 weeks. But it's different because unlike aiai, my MIL is kind old already and I always worry that she's gonna get tired quickly because hariell is really malikot! but  my husband is always reassuring me that everything's gonna be okay. but as you already know me, i worry about everything!

Today, i left the house to go to the bank and i told MIL that i'll be back soon but here I am in a computer shop blogging my thoughts and feelings. I am 6 1/2 month pregnant and the yaya is on vacation, i have a lot of assisting to do when it comes to my MIL taking care of my baby, not to mention that i am always supposed to leave the house with prepared food for the whole day. And yah, have to tell instructions, too. How am i supposed to take care of myself and the little one inside me? I still have to go to work from cavite to malate 6 days a week with a crazy schedule.

I am way too burned out :(
Sorry :(
Okay, I am going to buy some vegetables after this and I'll go back home to cook our lunch. (yes, no lunch yet) I bet my baby tazmanian hariell will welcome me with a tantrum and later will hit and kick my tummy again. I love life!
Geez.
Bye. I whine too much.

State University

I always believed that my husband would always make it far. Though there are times when road seemed to not go where we would want it but look at where Happy is now! STATE U! I am so proud of him. Seems like it's meant to be: him and the state university :) Never took long before he was given a job order and bam! little did he know, he's right there completing the requirements asked by the school. And today is his first day at work. I am so happy but I know he's happier knowing that he could share his knowledge to all those hardworking scholars. God really made this happened. All the glory to Him!

i love you,man!





let's celebrate! treat me for a good food! lol

posted from Bloggeroid

FROM The Old Blog

Feeling how different my life is now compared to some few years back, i feel sorry for myself whenever I backtrack and read my old blog. I dont even remember that I ever had some posts like these:

Something is Missing

Cursor keeps on blinking while I am deeply thinking of what to write down. But though I think deep, thoughts just seem to float blankly in my mind.

.

It has been the longest time that I remember myself out of my usual state of peace.

.

For the past 4 years, I know, within myself, there is something missing.

.

Open Letter of a Trying Hard Mom

.

.

.

I am not perfect. I am not even close to being perfect neither even close to the best or even better. I am not even sure if I am good... I mean, if I am being a good mother to my son. I often feel bad and feel guilty about everything being a mom. And today, I feel so sad overthinking and overfeeling all my lapses and insuffiencies. It's tough, actually. I just want to cry and scream silently hoping God would hear my heartaches.

I am wishing my guilt about everything won't control me. Sometimes, it's so difficult to endure the guilt whenever I leave home for work and let my precious son spend the day again with the nanny. All I could do is tell the nanny to please take care of him but after that, I am not even sure how she takes care of my son when all that is left is the two of them at home. I could only pray to God that my son is safe and that the nanny will be good to my baby.

But how could I take away my thoughts of wondering what food he had for the day, how his rashes are improving or aggravating, did his head bump against anything, is he always being kept clean by the nanny when all that I could be is to be with him for some few hours in a day, mostly it's either he's asleep or I am asleep (or sleepy). Just confessing these is hurtful for me. I really feel like a bad mom.

For a week, I only have one day off from work and whenever I do not go to work, in my mind and in my heart, I want to spend all my time with my husband and my son. If only I could take care of my baby 24 hours and not get tired! But all I could do is to carry him for a while and after some few minutes, put him back to his baby crib or give him back to the nanny or to his father because I easily get exhausted because of my pregnant condition. Which also adds a few more extra guilt in me thinking that if only I was not pregnant, maybe I could play with my son more often, maybe I could carry him more frequently, maybe I could teach him more baby tricks and stay up more late to cuddle him some more or talk to him how our day did.

Seeing some other moms seem to have everything in place and having their kids have those "It toys" also makes me feel guilty not being able to buy my dearest baby some of those  deluxe  Fisher-Price that lights up, talks and sounds when pressed... But my husband never seemed to be bothered by these little things. He always tells me that Hariell doesn't even know yet what he is playing and that those that I am thinking as "necessary" aren't. What our son really needs is us and our love and God's grace and not those expensive toys that mostly are just banged against the wall or the floor or even on our faces. <pfffftt!>

Sure my husband knows how to pacify my over-reacting feeling and I am thankful for that. How I wish I could also be more kind to myself. This is breaking, you know?

But then again, I would always imagine that Hariell would tell me that I am just doing fine :)

To My Somebody

++

I dedicate this song to my husband who has always been that "somebody" who shares my everything with him. In good times and not so good times.

Not everyone could understand his uniqueness but I love every single of him. His imperfections and his strengths, everything that makes his whole person makes me love and appreciate him everyday.

We may sometime disagree about some things that I believe and the way he sees things but it just makes us appreciate each other even more. And i am just thankful that he is the one that I am spending the rest of my life with, God willing.

I am on my 4th month of carrying our second child and I feel his support and caring about my condition. He never gives up on understanding my nonsense and ridiculous behavior. It just makes me admire him more.

I want to shout out how lucky I am to have him as a husband and as a father of my kids but words are not enough to describe how I am feeling.

Maybe I would just let him listen to this song later. I love him very much :)

My Hariell

click this ---->  MY LITTLE KULIT

My mommy sent us this cool Aprica metal baby carrier ;)
#ikawnaangmalupit
my tazmanian Hariell is enjoying it!

Sunday is Family Day (not)

So, today is Sunday and I have to work from 12nn - 8pm. Nothing too much to complain about since I get to have an off day yesterday and get to spend my whole day with my Mr. Oh-so-super-hyper son. Happy was also supposed to pick me up after work... Not until my world crashed down for a moment when my colleague told me that she is being sent home by the doctor because of her abdominal pain. I wanted to cry so hard because now, I have to work til 11:30PM! How sad is that?!

I am not happy but I can't do anything. I just wish I can make some extra cash during my over time tonight.

JUST DONT TELL ME TOMORROW THAT I STILL NEED TO RENDER AGAIN SOME OVERTIME. OVERTIME MAKES ME ANGRY. YOU WOULDNT LIKE ME WHEN IM ANGRY. GRRRRRRRRRRRR


NO, IM NOT MAD AT ANYBODY. I JUST WANNA GO HOME ON TIME :(

To My Husband, Happy

This song is for you :) CLICK HERE

 I Just Fall Inlove Again by: Jaya

 Dreaming
I must be dreaming
or am I really lying here with you
 Baby
You take me in your arms
and though I'm wide awake
 I know my dream is coming true

 Chorus:
And though I Just fall in love again
Just one touch and then it happens every time
There I go
I Just fall in love again
and when I do
I can't help myself
I fall in love with you

 Magic
It must be magic
The way I hold you
and the night just seems to fly
 Easy
For you to take me to a star
 Heaven is that moment when I look into your eyes

 Chorus:
And though I
 Just fall in love again
Just one touch and then
it happens every time
There I go
I Just fall in love again
and when I do
I can't help myself
I fall in love with you
 I can't help myself I fall in love with you

Sopas

First time to try and cook macaroni soup and here is how it turned out: tadaaaaaaa!!!!





Just dont mind my pot. It's not too new lol.

Anyway, i was gonna feed my tazmanian hariell but i didnt know he's knocked down. Haha i am just gonna save this later when he wakes up:)






I am happy today :) salamat sa Dios!

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