A cup of words and coffee - repost

 I came into this verge where I stopped believing i was beautiful. Where I could no longer stare too long on my reflections, where I began evading mirrors. I guess, my body started to lose all its remaining radiance. Today, I know I am more than just ugly. I am more than just a mess to me. I am now a stranger to my own self. I realize I don't wear the same smile I used to wear few years back then. All I have are quick glances and required laughter that simmer too fastly. All I have are scars I hide behind my sleeves, and marks I darted on my own flesh. All I have are broke down memories of unfamiliar happiness, where my mind becomes a five-story building of people climbing up on stairs only to jump on its fifth floor and have me witness it so I could carry the guilt. My heart becomes a massive ocean of loneliness where my childhood memories plunge to revisit its shipwrecks only to turn my present self into one of them. My passion, they all begin to fade like polaroid pictures exposed on a crowd of sharp stares. Suddenly, I forgot how good I was on writing. Suddenly, I forgot to blend my whites on darks to lighten some of my weighty thoughts. Suddenly, I became a trash bin of unfinished drafts and sucked up poems. I no longer have the drive to connect on everything I used to be so passionate before. I was fed up, drained.

Today, as I wipe my mirror from the haze of my shower. I stared less than a minute and watch the person standing in front of me. I am no longer pretty. I am no longer holding the stars on my eyes.  I am no longer the person I wished I was, the person I wished to become. I realize I am just another stranger firing questions and blames to the reflection that holds up the same name as mine. I realize I was tired. I was tired that no matter how long I try to rest, I will still wake up tired.

I don't understand how things go. I don't know how I got here.

All I know is, I am no longer beautiful the way I used to be. All I know is, I am no longer happy.

- Mica Meñez, ugly and sadness
Repost from Facebook

24 hours

It's been a while again and again.
i miss blogging so much, i often think of it on my way to work and home. You know, posting things to remember and just venting out things that are bugging me.
But i don't have a lot of luxuries now when it comes to time management. Most of the time, i come to think that 24 hours would never be enough for me as i live my life now.

There are lots of things going on with my busy busy busy life and i wish i have more time to do more.

But heck! each of us has 24 hours to live every day, just have to make the most out of my 24 hours.

I always pray to God to give me more tomorrows. I have a lot of things that i want to do.

Momma Talk

Today is my day off from work. Last night, we sent off my son's yaya, aiai, to the airport for a 2 week vacation to her hometown in GenSan. My fear of her not coming back again is like 95% but 5% is all about holding on to her words that she'll come back on August 27. I helped her buy her plane ticket via Cebu Pacific's piso fare promo 2 months ago. When she told me that she wanted to have a break and go home for a vacation, I, right away, understood her feelings. It is really exhausting taking care of a child and at the same time, keeping the house in order. It is really tiring and really stressful. It has been a year since she joined our family as a house help. So, i think, she deserves a break. But you know, if I were selfish, I wouldnt allow her to leave.

So starting yesterday, my mother-in-law is looking after hariell until the next 2 weeks. But it's different because unlike aiai, my MIL is kind old already and I always worry that she's gonna get tired quickly because hariell is really malikot! but  my husband is always reassuring me that everything's gonna be okay. but as you already know me, i worry about everything!

Today, i left the house to go to the bank and i told MIL that i'll be back soon but here I am in a computer shop blogging my thoughts and feelings. I am 6 1/2 month pregnant and the yaya is on vacation, i have a lot of assisting to do when it comes to my MIL taking care of my baby, not to mention that i am always supposed to leave the house with prepared food for the whole day. And yah, have to tell instructions, too. How am i supposed to take care of myself and the little one inside me? I still have to go to work from cavite to malate 6 days a week with a crazy schedule.

I am way too burned out :(
Sorry :(
Okay, I am going to buy some vegetables after this and I'll go back home to cook our lunch. (yes, no lunch yet) I bet my baby tazmanian hariell will welcome me with a tantrum and later will hit and kick my tummy again. I love life!
Geez.
Bye. I whine too much.

My USANA Stress Assessment Exam

FAMILY MATTERS AND STRESS

Raising a child can be incredibly stressful-even for the best of parents. Combat the stress you face as a parent by doing the following:

Get sufficient rest: Sleep deprivation makes everyone's day more difficult to cope with. Without sufficient rest, your brain's ability to problem solve is greatly impaired. Decision-making abilities are compromised, and the brain falls into rigid thought patterns that make it difficult to generate new problem-solving ideas. Be sure to allow yourself some time to catch up on the rest you need. 

Eat a healthy, balanced diet: Start by buying a week's worth of fresh food on Sunday, and then wash, prep, and store that food so it's ready to go for the rest of the week. Just be sure each meal includes plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables to keep your immune system functioning at its best, as well as foods containing slow-release (low-glycemic) carbohydrates such as whole grain pasta and brown rice to keep your energy levels up. 

Find time for yourself: Take just a few minutes out of every day to focus on yourself, rather than the needs of others. Read your favorite book, listen to music, or pursue your hobbies. 

Exercise: Exercise is a great, natural stress reducer.

Talk about your feelings: Sharing your worries with someone else is one of the best stress relievers. Unfortunately, communication is often the first thing to be neglected in a relationship, whether it's with your partner, family, or friends, but sharing your feelings can help strengthen your relationships. 

MARRIAGE AND STRESS

Many studies have found that being married or maintaining a committed, steady romantic relationship may help you manage your stress and improve your overall quality of life.

But stress is a powerful thing, and small marital problems can become exaggerated when you or your partner take your personal stresses out on each other. And the results of such behavior can be devastating.

Take these steps to deal with any stress in, or outside, your marriage :

Take time to decompress: After a stressful day at work, many people need time alone to decompress before they're ready to talk. And forced conversation is never a good thing. Allow yourselves a few minutes to get your bearings straight. Watch some television, read a few pages of your favorite book, or even sit outside and catch some sunshine if the weather permits. 

Teamwork: Work with each other. Being in a marriage is like being on a team. In order for you both to be successful, you need to support each other. That's why you need to communicate and talk about the details of your day. Sharing your feelings can help strengthen your partnership. If your feelings are out in the open, you'll be less likely to "blow up" and take the day's stresses out on your partner. You can help each other by practicing active listening techniques and being positive and supportive. 

Don't point fingers: You may often find that your partner is the most available target for blame when you're stressed. Try to see things from your spouse's point of view. This will help you to see where the other person is coming from, which will increase your understanding of the situation. Don't assume that you are the one who has all the answers.