I Feel Sad for Nanay

She must have been going through the hardest.

Just today, she gave up and took all her medicines. I mean, all her medicines for the whole week. Her mon-tu-wed-thu-fri-sat-sun medicine box was all freshly refilled with the medications she is taking. All of a sudden, people at home saw it empty. When she was asked, she said that it was spilled. Soon, she started throwing up and excreting waste. She tried to overdose herself.

Thank God, nothing serious happened. Good thing, my family was staying at home when this happened.

Now, she is trying to sleep. I hear her cough once in a while.

I pray that she get well soon.

:(

Fallen - Sarah Mclachlan

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

BAD-WORSE-WORST

This is bad. I am running out of money.

What is worse is I am running out of reasons.

And the worst part is I am running out of hope.

Can someone remind me how bad it is to give up on life?

Suddenly, I Feel Empty

My problem is that I am not focused! One little thing happens and I am off in never never land.

Suddenly, I feel empty. I feel tired. I feel aimless. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, in moments of painful honesty, I would lie awake and think that I am a failure in all that is important.

This whole thing. . . This whole thing is hard to endure. When things just keep on flashing back, I am too weak not to shed a tear and not to feel a pinch in my heart.

But I have been down this road too many times already. I have to look ahead, not back. I should know by now.

One More Chance

if i am silent

Hi. I am Sad

I am not pretty sure why lately I am feeling kind of blue. I dunno. Maybe because I am getting too tired at work, watching movies, surfing the net? Or maybe because I do not get too much sleep, I miss out going to our Church gatherings? Or maybe I am so so so broke and cannot even get to eat out (even for a simple McDonald's cheeseburger)? Or maybe because until now, I still get to share my life with no one really special? Or is it because I am missing somebody? Or I dunno, perhaps feeling less functional? Or feeling unimportant? Or maybe because I do not have my family with me? Or maybe because I dwell too much in my comfort zone, I do not grow anymore? Or maybe... just maybe because I do not appreciate what I have right now. Or not?

I am sad. I just feel sad.

I don't know. :(