TLC

 Yung nung sinabi nya na masakit ang pakiramdam nya, to the rescue ako at hinilot ko agad ang likod nya, pati binti at paa, braso at kamay. Buti na lang magaling ako mag masahe 😍 maligaya ako na maibsan ang sakit na nararamdaman nya kahit saglit lang. Malapit na uli syang umalis pabalik sa Japan. Maaalala ko sya lagi pag wala na uli sya.

 Tulog na sila Wawa at Mommy
Kami ni Hariell gising pa. Bleeeh 😝

Touch of love, ma.
Nakatulog sya sa masahe ko 😍

I love you, ma.😘

For Happy

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One Problem Solved!

Thank God, I'm finally okay! :)

Some boo-boo clinic should not be trusted with their boo-boo findings. Good thing there are still some few good doctors out there who could bring in some good news :)

One problem, finally solved! Next please! :)

Hello, Clinic. Errrrrrr :-/

Fingers crossed

Doc,

See you on Wednesday. Give me good news, ayt?

Thanks,
Ellay :)

Oh Dear God

Let Me Not Lose Hope

I've anxiously waited for half a year to finally hear a good news. But today, a phonecall broke my heart hearing from the other line that I am not yet cured. Yes, I am still sick. My family and I assumes that I got this from my grandmother who passed away a month before we found out that I actually have this disease.(FYI: consider me non-infectious. The doctor told me that contagious stage had already passed)

I was really looking forward for the doctor to tell me to just take care of my health better and that he'd give me a clearance certificate. I am already through having my daily high dosage medication for six months! ...Learning that I still have this illness weakens my spirit. Day after day, I am feeling useless. My confidence level is going down. I don't know what to do anymore.

I always pray to God to heal me from this. I know that everything happens for a reason. But please God, give me strength. Let me not lose hope.

***

The Ellay having lomi snack alone. 

Time's Up!

We are here at Nanay's wake, gathered with broken hearts and teary eyes. She already left and is now in God's hands. I am going to miss her so much. We will miss everything about her. Life would definitely be different from now on.

She's a Fighter

Nanay on her 11th day at the hospital, me and my big bro carrying Miro  - photo taken by my cousin, Madel

Thank God she's a fighter. She's still hanging on. I love her for being strong. But lately, she's been sleeping a lot and her hands and jaw are shaking involuntarily. We feel that she's getting tired, I dunno. I always pray to God to ease her from pain. I just want the best for her. If resting is the best for her, may His will be done. I just love her so much :'(

Clock is Ticking

Film of tears is almost blinding my eyes everytime I get to think of Nanay. She is getting weaker everyday. It is hurting seeing her go through this difficult stage. I had never seen her helpless like this. I realized that she had been wasting away for months. I had been so caught up in my own life that I took her for granted.

It is painful knowing that we only have so little time left together. She would never see me married; she would never hold my son, my daughter. The thought of living the rest of my life without her is almost too much to bear.

Last night, she asked me to go buy her an order of porridge. As I was feeding her, I took the guts to tell her, “Nay, sorry ha?”, willing the tears not to come. She looked me in the eyes and asked “Saan?” I said, “Kasi wala akong nagagawa sayo.” My voice was croaky when I let out those involuntary tears. I tried not to cry but I can’t help it. She just smiled and didn’t say a word. I made an effort to pop in some humor when I told her, “Ito na lang magagawa ko sayo. Subuan ka ng lugaw tsaka painumin ng tubig.” And embraced her. I wiped my tears, conscious that there would soon be a time when this simple act of affection would no longer be possible.

Nanay is turning 74 years old on January 30, God willing. All her life, she has been very good to her family, her friends, her neighbors, to people she knows. She has been the best grandmother to me and I could never ask for more. I love her. I just love her. I am trying to block the future in my head because once she’s gone, I will heartbreakingly miss her all my life.

Damn This Cough!

UBO!
UBO!
UBO!
UBO!
UBO!
UBO!
UBO!
UBO!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

UBO!
UBO!
UBO!

I Feel Sad for Nanay

She must have been going through the hardest.

Just today, she gave up and took all her medicines. I mean, all her medicines for the whole week. Her mon-tu-wed-thu-fri-sat-sun medicine box was all freshly refilled with the medications she is taking. All of a sudden, people at home saw it empty. When she was asked, she said that it was spilled. Soon, she started throwing up and excreting waste. She tried to overdose herself.

Thank God, nothing serious happened. Good thing, my family was staying at home when this happened.

Now, she is trying to sleep. I hear her cough once in a while.

I pray that she get well soon.

:(

Work Out Abs

I am supposed to be on my 3rd day working out my lower abdomen. I have been giving myself 100 sit ups everyday since the day before yesterday. But today, I am so full, I am gonna pass the hundred sit ups. I am not sure if I would do 200 tomorrow. My mind says "maybe not".

I wish I could continue doing this coz it will really work out my bulging abdomen. So bulgy, it looks like an oldie who has layers of tummy fats. (okay, I kinda exaggerated on that part)

So, no exercise today. Only full-time eating and now, time to go to bed.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...........

OPERA

I left the hospital this morning before Nanay was sent off to the operation room. I pray she'd be fine. I will see her tomorrow evening. I love her so much, I hope she'd make it with God's mercy.

Please make her fine :(

What's Up? I'm Bored.

Today is my 8th day of resting from work since I got my right eye infected. I am already fine but doctor advised me to rest more and I would finally be back to work on Friday. Okay. Whatever you say, Doc.

I already entertained and bored myself over and over for the last days. I dunno, I got nothing more left to do. For the first time, I am gonna say that I am sick and tired of bumming around. I want to go back to work :(

Monday: Still Not Working

Our Company Doctor extended my sick leave til tomorrow. So until tomorrow, I should be on bed rest. My right eye still has blood clot but good thing, it is almost gone. I will be going back to him tomorrow to get a fit to work clearance so I could go back to work on Wednesday. Meanwhile, I am still at home, killing time.

Tuktok

Mag-aalas-dos na ng madaling araw gising pa ako. Bukod sa naka-sick leave ako ng limang araw, pangatlo pa lang ngayon, nagiinternet din ako para malibang habang panik-panaog sa kwarto ko. Asa baba kasi si Nanay. Ginawan sya ng higaan ng Tatay ko para hindi na sya mahirapan umakyat-baba sa kwarto nila.

Kung nabasa mo ung post ko tungkol ke Adela, alam mo na na meron syang sakit. May cancer sya. Una, breast cancer ung nadiagnose sa kanya, siguro mga lima o anim na taon na ata. Tapos, nung nakaraang taon, sabi ng doktor, kalat na ung cancer nya sa buto. Nahawa na. Nabalian ng buto si Nanay, magiisang linggo na, kaya nakabenda ung braso nya, sementado. Kanina, galing sila ng Tito ko sa ospital, ang sabi ng Doktor, hindi na daw ooperahin si Nanay para itama ung nabaling buto nya kasi marupok na ung iba nyang buto. Nakita nga sa result ng bonescan, napakadaming tama na ng mga buto nya. Meron na rin pati sa ulo. Pero nagpapasalamat ako sa Dios, kahit na kalat na ung sakit nya, hindi nanghihina si Nanay, lumalaban kasi sya, tsaka masayahin sya. Sabi nga ng Doktor, dapat ung mga ganung kaso, ung pasyente, bed ridden na, madami nang sumasakit. Pero si Nanay, eto, awa ng Dios, nakakalakad naman, hindi nawawalan ng gana kumain.

Sabi ko nga, akyat baba ako kasi pag kumatok si nanay sa hagdanan, ibig sabihin tinatawag nya ako. Yun ung sinabi kong gawin nya para hindi na sya sumigaw ng pangalan ko. Madali ko namang madinig ung tuktok nya kasi wala namang pintuan ung kwarto ko. Pagbaba ko ng hagdanan, andun na ung kama nya. Nakailang tuktok na din si Nanay para tawagin ako. Kadalasan para samahan sya sa CR. Kailangan kasi buhusan ng dalawang beses ung inidoro pagkaihi nya kasi may radioactive ung ihi nya. Makakasama sa mga bata kong pinsan pag nadikit sa kanila.

Etong huli kong baba, hindi naman sya tumuktok pero pagkakita ko, wala sya sa kama. Nasa CR to malamang, sabi ko sa sarili ko. Andun nga sya. Sakto, sabi nya buhusan ko daw ung kubeta. Tapos sabi nya, ipagtimpla ko daw sya ng gatas. Tapos, nagugutom daw sya. Wala naman kaming makitang kukutin dun sa kusina. Sabi nya kasi gusto nya daw ng Sky Flakes. Ala-una pasado na, gusto nya ng Sky Flakes. Sa normal na pagkakataon, malamang sa hindi, iingil ako para sabihin na gabi na Nay, walang Sky Flakes. Iba na lang, ano gusto nyo? Walang Sky Flakes. Kaso biglang pumasok sa isip ko na dati, nung hindi nakabenda ung kamay nya, lalabas sya ng bahay para bumili sa tindahan, maski medyo gabi na pag sinabi kong gusto ko ng pansit canton. Maski kelan, parang hindi ko matandaan na hinindian ako ng Nanay ko pag meron akong inutos sa kanya sa tindahan. Hindi kasi ako pala-labas ng bahay kaya sanay sya na bumibili para saken. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, gusto ni Nanay ng Sky Flakes. Walang ibang taong gising kundi ako tsaka sya lang. Kanino pa sya maguutos? Hindi ko na pinatagal, ang sabi ko, ilan ang gusto nya? Tatlo daw. Wala na bang iba, Nay? Sky Flakes lang? Oo daw. Kumuha ko ng pera, nagbihis, naglakad ako sa tindahan. Buti bukas pa ung isang tindahan malapit kila Kapitan. Kung sarado un, dadayo ako sa 7-11 sa kanto namin. Bumili ako ng pitong Sky Flakes, dalawang pansit canton, tsaka Rejoice. Bale ung iba, akin. Sinabay ko lang.

Pagbalik ko sa bahay, nakita ko si Nanay, kumakain ng biscuit! Pmbihira, may biscuit pala, lumabas pa ako. Pero okay lang, hindi naman ako nainis. Kasi nabili ko ung gusto nya. Sa ordinaryong pagkakaton, malamang, nagreklamo na ako kasi lumabas pa ako tapos may pagkain naman pala. Naispoiled kasi ako masyado ni Nanay kaya hindi rin ako sanay ng inuutusan. Pero ngayon, bawat kibot, utos nang utos si Nanay. Ayokong mainis kahit minsan nakakapagod kasi kung ano maisipan nya, iuutos sayo. Kaso sya un eh. Naiisip ko na lang, nung bata nga ako, maski makulit ako, lagi nya akong inaalalayan. Nung bata nga ako, pinapaliguan nya ako. Nung bata ako maski ngayong malaki na ako, pag may sakit ako, binibilan nya ako ng gamot, dinadalan ng pagkain. Nililinis nya ung kwarto ko, tinutupi ung mga damit, pinaghahainan pagkadating ko sa trabaho. Ngayong sya naman ang may kailangan saken, maiinis ba ako? Magsasawa ba ako? Kung tutuusin, hindi naman nya ako uutusan kung kaya nya lang eh. Kaso hindi na nga nya kaya eh. Kaya ako naman.

Habang nasa kusina kami:

Nanay: Asan na ung will na ginawa natin sa computer mo dati?

Ellay: Andyan. Kaso hindi pa po napiprint.

Nanay: Halika, ayusin natin. Kasi ung apartment, gusto ko lalake, babae, lalake, babae. (ibig nyang sabihin, ipapamana nya sa anak nyang lalake, babae, lalake, babae. Apat kasi anak nila ni Tatay. Sakto sa apartment nilang apat na pinto)

Ellay: O sige, pero bukas na. Gabi na eh.

Nanay: *ngumiti. Sabay nagsalita na naman* Yung mga singsing ko, eto, bibigay ko ke Mommy mo. Yung bigay ni Mommy mo dati saken, bibigay ko ke Ate Elvie mo. Yung iba ke Ate Jane mo. Yung mga hikaw, ke Tita Lyn. Meron pa ung parang plawer.

Ellay: Plawer na hikaw? Parang hindi ko pa nakikita yun.

Nanay Meron yun. Bibigay ko na lang din yun. Tapos yung mga pera, hindi ko nga alam kung kanino ko iiwan.

Ellay: *natawa ako* Hay nako! Basta yung pera, wag nyo saken iiwan! Hahaha Mahirap na! Iwan nyo kila Tito Ojie.

Nanay: *natawa din* Bibigay ko na lang kila Ojie, kila Jane. Bahala na sila magabot ng pera ke Tatay mo. Pang-gamot.

Ellay: Nalulungkot ka, Nay?

Nanay: Oo pero natanggap ko na na kung kukunin ako ni Lord, hanggang dun na lang talaga.

Ellay: Oo nga. Kung tutuusin, mahaba na din ipinagkaloob nya sa inyo. Yung iba nga, trenta pa lang, tsugi na. Hindi na nila nakita yung mga anak nila.

Nanay: *tumango lang*

Ellay: Pero ako, hindi nyo na makikita mag-asawa no?

Nanay: *natawa* Hindi na.

Ellay: Hahaha De, bukas, magaasawa na ako!

Nanay: *ngumiti lang*

Ngumiti lang si Nanay pero yung mata niya, nararamdaman ko, may lumbay. Nagaalala siguro sya na maiiwan nya kami. Maski kelan kasi hindi nya iniwan tong pamilya nya para maglakwatsa. Lagi syang nagluluto, nagaasikaso. Kung minsan lalabas sya para mag-tong its o mag-majong, sigurado un, maayos na ung bahay bago sya umalis.

Nanay: Hinahanap ko ung luto ko.

Ellay: *tinignan ko lang sya. Hindi ko kagad nagets*

Nanay: Gusto ko uli magluto.

Ellay: *ngumisi lang*

Nanay: Naisip ko, nung ung Nanay ko, kahit matanda na sya, maski wala na syang silbi non, nakahiga lang, masaya sa loob na napagsisilbihan ko sya. Kahit wala na syang ginagawa, nagiisip bata, basta andyan lang sya, okay sa akin. (ung Nanay kasi ni Nanay bale lola ko sa tuhod, namatay ng 99 years old. Naabutan ko pa sya. Namatay ata sya highschool na ako. As in matanda na talaga. Naligwak lang sya dahil sa katandaan. Wala kasing sakit un eh)

Ellay: Wala syang sakit dati Nay eh no? E kayo, ano gusto nyo, mabuhay ng matagal pero may sakit o mawala na tapos magpapahinga na lang kayo.

Nanay: Oo nga...

Etong mga susunod na salita, mabagal kong sinasabi dahil kinokontrol ko ung boses kong manginig, tsaka ung luha kong mamuo sa mata ko.

Ellay: Basta Nay, pag wala ka na, aalis na lang ako ha? Magaabroad na lang ako.

Nanay: Ikaw ang bahala.

Ellay: Magiipon na lang muna ako pag wala ka na.

Nanay: *kumakain lang ng Sky Flakes habang sinasawsaw sa gatas*

Pero kahit na anong pigil ko sa nararamdaman ko, lumabas din sya. Hindi ko matignan sa mukha si Nanay habang naginginig ung boses ko. Lumabo ung mata ko dahil sa luha.

Ellay: Hindi ko na kasi alam kung anong gagawin ko pag wala ka na e.

Nanay: E di mag-ayos ka ng sarili mo. Pag wala na ako, lilinisin mo ung kwarto mo.

Ellay: Hindi, aalis na lang ako. Maghahanap na lang ako ng papatirahin sa kwarto ko.

Natapos ang usapan namin nung saktong maubos na ung gatas nya. Hinugasan ko ung pinaginuman nya, nagCR sya uli, binuhusan ko ng dalawang beses yung inidoro, tsaka ko sya hinatid sa higaan nya.

Magaalas-dos na ng madaling araw. Nagpaalam na ako ke Nanay na hindi na ako bababa. E pano daw pag tumuktok sya? Sabi ko, sige lang. Katok ka lang. Basta pag kumatok ka, bababa ako. Matulog na kayo. Good night, sabi ko.

Eto, kakasilip ko lang sa kanya uli. Natutulog na sya. Nakatagilid sa kaliwa dahil nga sa sementado ung kanan nyang braso. Matutulog na din ako. Pero pipilitin kong magising sa awa ng Dios pag tumuktok sya. Hindi ko kasi alam kung hanggang kelan ko sya pwedeng mapagsilbihan sa kahit maliit na paraan lang. Basta pag narinig ko ung tuktok nya sa hagdanan, babangon ako, awa at tulong ng Dios... kahit anong oras pa.

Unproductive Wednesday

I am still on house arrest for the 2nd day. My right eye is showing a great improvement now. Thanks to Tobrex, that super expensive antibacterial eyedrop that the doctor prescribed.

Temperature is cool. I do not remember when was the last time the weather has been like this. But today has been slow, I am running out of things to do here at home. I was beside Nanay this afternoon though, trying to help her move around but when my auntie came back from work, I went back to my room to hit the bed again... uhm.... I am just sleeping away my boredom. Having this gloomy rainy day, it is not hard to be unproductive and be a slouch all day.

I wanted to go back to work but I want to rest for a while eventhough I am getting quite bored resting. Because you see, it is not always that opportunity (or let's say, sick leave) this long -5days- is always granted to everybody. So having have my medical certificate say to rest for 5 days, I will do so. Besides, after this, I am sure, I am going to work again so hard and wish again for any means to have this kind of vacation.. I mean sick leave.

So, okay. I will endure the nothingness in me now or might as well sleep it out (again)? What you think?

.

.

Tuesday = Sickday

It's 8:13am and the doctor will be in at 9:00am. 47 minutes to wait.

I was supposed to work at 7am today. Well, I was able to be at the hotel at 6:15. I went starightly to the clinic to have my right eye checked. It was since yesterday that my eye was red and itchy. The nurse said I might have a sore eye but not too sure because there is blood clotting on my eye and it might be something else. So he told me that he is going to send me home, do not go to work and see a doctor.

I left the hotel and took a cab to the emergency room of Manila Doctors Hospital. I felt bad knowing that the opthalmologist will start his clinic hours at 3pm. I had to go home to look for other doctors who are working this early. So I went back home and called up several clinics and hospitals. I even called up The Asian Eye Institute in Rockwell, Makati. As early as 7, clinic is already opened but when I learned that the consulation fee is almost P1500, I was quite surprised and thought that if I will go there to have my eye checked, I will be dead afterwards. P1500. I say it is too much! Anyway, to cut this short, I finally resorted to Makati Medical Center. Earliest eye doctor is at 9.

I am here now. The hospital lobby is something! I mean it is like an airport terminal. The lightings, the structure, the design - they are sleek. Classy. The hospital is quite intimidating for a normal, regular person (like me) who got used to a crowded hospital with white paint and boring information desk. Makati Med even has food stalls every floor! I could even bring a date here and eat at Pan Cake House or Burger King! It also has Seattle's Best Coffee! Dairy Queen, too! ATMs and WAIT! David Salon! Instead of strolling in malls, I could come here and pretend to visit a patient but for real, I am just having a date. How's that, huh?

Seriously, considering being located in Makati District, facilities are top of the line and doctors are high-end, you should expect that the hospital rate is kind of pricey and patients are kind of demanding and kind of speaking English. Not so me of choosing to be in a place like this but for the sake of my eye checked immediately, safely and pratically, I am here.

I am a bit sleepy now, still waiting for the doctor but I am already on que - 2nd on the line :) I will just wait for a few more minutes and my life is gonna be sweet for the next days! My medical certificate is going to say that I may take a rest for.... 5 days? LALALALALA I smell vacation! Mwahahaha :)

***************************************************

Ellay @ Makati Medical Center while waiting for the Doctor

8:15AM

current eye status: red, itchy, sore and sleepy