Lovingly yours, Ellay: ADELA

If you happen to read my post about the 100 Things About Me, she is the 84th about me. Her name is Adela. I got my name from her. She is my grandmother :)

When my mother had to work overseas for us, my brother and I were raised by my grandmother, who we fond of calling Nanay. Since we were kids, Nanay was the one who looked after us. For her great love for us, she spoiled us so much.

I personally loved how Nanay took care of me. As a child, she always made sure I got no mosquito bites and my skin is not itching in anyway. They did not want me to have those ugly scars and dark bruises. She combed my hair gently and whenever I go to school, my hair is neat, sometimes braided, sometimes pony-tailed. My clothes and uniform are always tidy. I do not recall wearing dirty or wrinkled clothes then. Nanay loves preparing food for us. I have never seen her get tired of cooking. I love her adobo, her sinigang, her batchoy, her torta, her afritada. I dunno, I even love her rice :) She did not want me to wash dishes. She likes us to rest after eating. Study hard and relax. I had a habit of leaving my bed messy when waking up. When I was still studying, she never scolded me about that. She cleans my room without complaining. It makes her smile seeing me always surprised and happy with a tidy room every time I came home from school. I knew she wanted to be appreciated that is why I always tell her, "Nay, ang linis naman ng kwartooooooo ^___^ Thank you ha? Aylabyu po". I am not shy hugging her and kissing her cheeks. She gives me money whenever I get short and broke. She is kind and very understanding. She accepts people in my life: my friends, my churchmates, those people I choose to love. She checks how am I doing at work, if I am safe when I go out of town, eats with me when I come back from work. She always wants me to be happy. She wanted to do everything for me and for us. She did not want my life to be difficult. For me, that is her way of showing us her love, as a mother and grandmother. And she is doing a great job! She has always been doing a great job.

Nanay has never been tired of doing these and more everyday. Even now that she has grown old and sick. Even now that she has cancer. Even that her left breast was removed and had series of chemotherapy something like five years ago. Even it is metastatic and already affected her bones.

Last year, we found out about the spread of the cancer on her bones and the doctor said that she may get a higher dose of chemotherapy sessions but no promises about the cure. Nanay decided not to risk her remaining strength undergoing again chemotherapy. We did not force her to do something she did not like so we just resorted to medications and herbal drinks and medicines. The guyabano diet makes her strong. And those malunggay juices and other supplements. Her check ups are continuous and we see that compared to other cancer patients, Nanay is very much active and energetic. She can even go to the market, cook food, play cards, go watch movies in malls :) She wanted us to see her fighting against her illness cheerfully. Even now that she is sick, she does not want us to worry too much about her. But last night was different.

I was at work and my uncle called up. He said that they were in the hospital and that Nanay broke her right arm while in the bathroom. She was apparently holding the kettle when it slipped and she had to hold it with one hand which pressured her arm and made it snap. I just found myself asking him, "Anong nangyari? Ano bang nangyari? Tsk! Ano bang nangyari? Ano ba yan!" in high pitch and with films of tears in my eyes. My uncle said not to worry because the doctor will just cast Nanay's right arm and they will be back home right away. I cannot stop my mind from thinking how much it must have hurt for her breaking a bone. Breaking a bone at the age of 74!

Now, seeing Nanay's right arm casted and swelling, I can't help but feel a knot forming in my chest. I understand that she is hurting and much more than that, she is fearing that she will not last long anymore. I am holding my emotions when she told me earlier, "Hindi na ako magtatagal." while looking at her swollen hand. The doctor said to wait for the result of her bone scan and ultrasound to find out whether or not she can still undergo an operation for her broken arm to be screwed with a metal. Or if the result would tell that her bones on the right arm are badly affected by the cancer, we would just have to leave the bone broken and most probably, give her pain reliever to ease any pain she might feel. The fact that this frightens her made me ache.

She raised me up and she raised me well. But I was raised weak because she had always been strong for me. Now, I am finding courage to be strong for her. I cannot think of any other way but to ask God to give me strength. And whatever strength I might have, I will share it with Nanay. In times like these, I call on Him to ease her pain, if He may still cure her or if not, just make it easy for her. God has always been good. I AM THANKFUL that He gave me Nanay for almost three decades of my life, I depended on her. I really needed her. And if the time comes that she will be taken away from me, I have faith that she already served her purpose on us... especially on me. And that I can go on then without her, away from her loving wings that nurtured me all these years. And that no matter how painful it is gonna be, in time, grief will lessen and God will help us move on with life.

Eventhough we are already in the stage where we have accepted that she is sick, I know that I will never ever be brave enough when the real thing happens. But there is no other choice but to admit that life comes to an end. And we can only hope that someday, somehow, somewhere up there, we can still be together with the One who gave and will take away the best Nanay I have ever known.

May God's will be done.

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I am Elladel. She is one of the 100 things about me.

There will always be things from her about me.