A cup of words and coffee - repost

 I came into this verge where I stopped believing i was beautiful. Where I could no longer stare too long on my reflections, where I began evading mirrors. I guess, my body started to lose all its remaining radiance. Today, I know I am more than just ugly. I am more than just a mess to me. I am now a stranger to my own self. I realize I don't wear the same smile I used to wear few years back then. All I have are quick glances and required laughter that simmer too fastly. All I have are scars I hide behind my sleeves, and marks I darted on my own flesh. All I have are broke down memories of unfamiliar happiness, where my mind becomes a five-story building of people climbing up on stairs only to jump on its fifth floor and have me witness it so I could carry the guilt. My heart becomes a massive ocean of loneliness where my childhood memories plunge to revisit its shipwrecks only to turn my present self into one of them. My passion, they all begin to fade like polaroid pictures exposed on a crowd of sharp stares. Suddenly, I forgot how good I was on writing. Suddenly, I forgot to blend my whites on darks to lighten some of my weighty thoughts. Suddenly, I became a trash bin of unfinished drafts and sucked up poems. I no longer have the drive to connect on everything I used to be so passionate before. I was fed up, drained.

Today, as I wipe my mirror from the haze of my shower. I stared less than a minute and watch the person standing in front of me. I am no longer pretty. I am no longer holding the stars on my eyes.  I am no longer the person I wished I was, the person I wished to become. I realize I am just another stranger firing questions and blames to the reflection that holds up the same name as mine. I realize I was tired. I was tired that no matter how long I try to rest, I will still wake up tired.

I don't understand how things go. I don't know how I got here.

All I know is, I am no longer beautiful the way I used to be. All I know is, I am no longer happy.

- Mica Meñez, ugly and sadness
Repost from Facebook