Oh Dear God

Change of Heart

I quit from my stressful work today and my manager was nothing but stunned while I was all relieved and so looking forward to go to work one last time on Wednesday.

I have learned new tricks and techniques from them but I dont think things work out well for me with that company. But nothing really personal. I am just looking for something better and something that is really for me.

Anyway, I am starting my new job in Cavite, God willing, on May 2.

I hope this is it.

ellay=busy

i've been working like a REAL working worker for the past 2 months. i am allllllllllllll tired and exhausted everyday. i dont like what i am doing and i cant wait to go to work one last time.

i want to have a job that would make me happy and fulfilled.

i am thirty now. i still hope i could have it soon.

i pray.

CAPTURED

my wedding song listen here

Lyrics | Christian Bautista lyrics - Captured lyrics

Dear Happy,

There are a lot of beautiful places in the world that I would like to see and visit with you someday. But just thinking about how expensive travelling is, I am discouraged. Not that I do not want us to spend but practically speaking, money could be used in important things more than leisure.

So right now, I am just contented being with you even if it is just walking along the busy street of Manila, riding tricycle, jeepney and pedicab, eating and poking squidballs, and other simple things in life.

Anywhere with you is more than enough. What matters most is that we are together.

I Want to Lock You Up

i want to lock you up and guard you tight so you'd just stay by my side all my life and no one can take you away from me.

Then again, I don't think I have to do that :) You'll stay with me, anyway :)

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HOW-ARE-YOU-DOIN'? :))

HI, EVERYBODY! 'SSUP? :)

Lately, I have been busy doing this and that and these and those :) And internet connection at home is quite complicated and surprisingly, I have not felt the mood to surf the net. 'Been also busy at work and been busy trying to be good, you know, making up for the stupid things I did when I "carelessly" lost some of my sanity. Well, I am still trying to redeem myself but you know, God has been very patient despite of me being all that stubborn and unreasonable.

Well, anyways, I got myself an iPod which I call "Patch" :) My friends at work are enjoying using the application of PopBooth. I actually have an album on my new facebook account (add me! haha) with us goofing around using the cool photo app ;) I have this PopBooth photo as my profile picture. Nice, huh? hihi

Japanese Class ended on the last Wednesday of September. It has been fun and fulfilling but you know, some good things never last (yeah, right! boooo) So, I am now again just a hotelier. No more "slash" part-time college instructor. But who knows, maybe soon again, I just dunno.

Oh yah, look at my sweet nephew. He's grown big now. Thank God for taking care of him :)

Funny, we have a guest here in the hotel named "Glover". I suddenly thought of Super Glover

Haha. I just read the text. It is "Grover" not Glover. I thought it it was Glover. hihi

And lastly, thanks for leaving comments and advice on my site. I appreciate it :)

Got to go now. (haha I am still at work)

Confession of an Unworthy Christian

Revelation 2: 2-5

‘'I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name's sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent."

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I embraced Christianity since 2001. At 19, my life changed forever. I had been gladly following His words despite many people’s objection and criticism. I do not mind their disapproval. After all, it is staying on to His words that I am concerned about. And although it is not easy to be His servant, I am staying because I would want to have His promise of eternity. That even life here on earth has not been good and fair, He will save us and give us an everlasting happiness in heaven. I have always longed for that. I always dreamed of reaching heaven.

It has been 10 years now since then. But unlike before, I have gone cold. Sad to say, little by little, I am being pulled in by worldly things. I am messing up. I am falling and failing. It seems so hard to be redeemed. I keep on fighting against myself that even until now, I am on constant struggle.

Now that I am slowly dragged away, my faith seems to be getting weaker. How I wish I could go back to who I used to be. The girl who was contented on what she simply has and even thankful for what she don’t. I pray I could still see that person. I pray it won’t be too late for recovery.

I am praying for His guidance and mercy for me not to completely turn astray and lead me back to where I am supposed to be, on His side. My heart is always weary, worried that one of these ordinary days, I might see myself in so much distance away from my refuge. I am always praying that He’d still keep me and never give up on me. I keep on asking Him to bless me back the passion to serve Him, despite and inspite of how difficult life has been turning out, regardless if I get or do not get what I am asking for, no matter what trials I am facing. I pray for His understanding and continuous compassion that even if I am falling short, He would still keep me in His shield.

God has always been good. Never an instance that He got something wrong and slipped up. If in anyway, I am messing up right now, it is completely my fault. I am the one who is wrong. Point fingers on me. It is all me. Then again, God is still kind that even if I am the one to be blamed, He still grants me with a way out. I still have my friends and parents in faith. Greater than true blood family, their concern is more than just a simple empathy. They are gifts from God. And I am one lucky unworthy Christian to have been blessed by these precious gifts. They also want me back with them, following God and Jesus Christ the right way.

I pray to see myself again in the near future, may God will, serving Him with joyful heart, contented with what I have and who I am - just like before. For even how insignificant I seem to be, this unworthy Christian nonetheless believe that God is compassionate enough to give second chances. I just have to prove that I am worth the pardon.

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“Ayaw ka namin mawala.

Sana ganun ka din.”

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Why-do-I-suddenly-want-a-child

I've always been the kind of girl who thought she might never want or have kids. I enjoy that I can be selfish, I like to sleep, I live my life how I want. I have a maternal instinct with friends and family, and they know it but I always thought I was too much of a control freak to raise a kid.

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I don't have a boyfriend, let alone a baby's daddy, but lately I have a really, really strong desire for a child. It seems to have come out of nowhere. I've never felt anything like this and I'm scared of these feelings/hormones/emotions. Could this just be a temporary hormonal thing? I thought the biological clock started ticking closer to late thirties- am I just fertile right now?

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Any anecdotes, advice or understanding would be greatly appreciated as I don't understand what is happening to me.

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One last note...The idea of being pregnant or giving birth is not appealing at all, but the mother idea is. I've had dreams about taking care of other people's kids and met a single dad recently who I found myself very attracted to. I thought that helping him raise his child would be really wonderful. This all feels foreign and scary, please help me understand!! Thanks!

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posted by thankyouforyourconsideration to human relations (35 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

Why-do-I-suddenly-want-a-child

reposted from thankyouforyourconsideration

Ellay's Baby? Why Not.

I attended our Thanksgiving Service today and the topic was about how important are the Lambs of God in the Church and that taking care of them means loving God.

Basically, the topic said that God's servants must take care of their children (or also termed in the Bible, lambs). Taking care not just means giving the kids material things they need but also being concern about their spiritual welfare. Doing this gives you an extra shot of making it to heaven because you are taking care of somebody who will automatically inherit heaven. Yes, those lucky children :) Heaven is theirs :) Matthew 19:14 / 1 Tim 5:1-2 / Jn 21:15 read those.

Well, anyway, I find today's topic very consoling to those parents who are really having a hard time raising up their kids. Just being patient to those kids running around, screaming like there's no tomorrow; those boys and girls growing up... Just now I remember Bro. Daniel said how children on his generation were disciplined even by just a mere look from their father. But now, children are very stubborn. I mean very very stubborn. Parents must be very capable of enduring such kids or else. So, yes, good parents must be given an extra chance. Agree! Agree!

Saying this, being a VERY easy going - careless - laid back person that I am, I admit I am really not into kids. I love my nephew though, but talking about other children, I really do not find them fascinating. I do not hate kids but I do not love them neither. Just fair. Sometimes, I find them cute, most of the time, I do not. Then again, hearing our preachers talk about this topic made me want to have kids (or singular, at least) to take care of. I am really not sure if I am going to be the best mother but I think I am going to be a good one (with God's help).

I do not see myself marrying or having my own family anymore. I also do not picture myself being pregnant and carrying my own child inside my tummy. So I just thought of adopting a child, preferably, a boy, by the age of 33? But then again, I still have 4 more years to think about it over and over and over and over and over.... and over.

But yah, why not? I also want to have an extra chance to go to heaven :)

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I am also reblogging this baby post from my other blogsite

I SAW HIM

March 16, 2011

I saw my baby, my son, in my dream last night. He kinda looked like this baby I googled:

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In my dream, an ex was taking care of my son but I was pretty sure he's not the father. Well anyway, I do not know why he was there but again, he was baby sitting and I was letting him take care of my baby because I was kinda busy working. Then the scene changed. We were in a hospital or something. There was actually no story at all so the actions were kind of confusing because on the later part of my dream, my youngest brother came in the picture. Outdoor, the place had a big shelf of books and the scene looked chaotic, dark clouds, and creepy dawn-like background.

Anyway, my baby was really heartbreakingly cute and there, I loved him so much. He looks similar to the baby on the picture. I cannot say exactly how I am feeling now (and in my dream) but my heart is softened and I feel like melting staring at my son's adorable and lovely little face.

Would I get to see you when I am older? If ever, I believe you will change my life in the best way I could imagine.

Take care there my little son, wherever you are :) I hope to meet you someday if God wills. :)

Twist of Fate

REBLOGGED FROM MY OLD SITEMonday, November 24, 2008

Her Royalty, Princess Ella writes:

Just when you thought you can never be happy again, all of a sudden, happiness finds you and stands right infront of you..

then, BAM!

You're smiling again :)

To Trust and To Love

There is a saying that "The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them." But I am not sure if I could be able to dare myself do that this time. I mean, trusting again - trusting again the things I have and things I feel. I am not sure if I could put my guards down after all that I had gone thru in the name of love. I only have so much left. I cannot let anybody take it away from me.

At the same time, it is difficult to deny that I do want to fall in love again. And to love means giving someone the power to hurt you but trusting them not to. That is the very reason why I am scared. Because last time love hit me, I was hit hard and I was all wrecked... all messed up.

I dunno... the feeling is confusing and I do not want to burden myself with such emotions. I got important things to do. So, I guess I will just go with the flow, not pushing hard because if it is meant to be, it will happen. We will see.

The Zahir

Archive for the 'Random Entries' Category

The Zahir by Paulo Coelho

Dec 14 2009 Published by Alexis under Random Entries

The Zahir, Another Paulo Coelho masterpiece…

Until one morning, I’ll wake up and find I’m thinking about something else, and then I’ll know the worst is over..

My heart may be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing the beauty of life once more..

It happened before, it will happen again, I’m sure.. When someone leaves, it’s because someone is about to arrive. I’ll find love again.

– Paolo Coelho

Youngblood - Inquirer.net

Just now, I submitted an article to Inquirer.net for Youngblood column. I used to read Youngblood articles when I was in college. Recently, I happened to browse out the newspaper and saw that Youngblood section is still running. Then, I thought of composing my own piece and try my luck to have it published. Here is a link to what I am talking about: click click here or you can also google it! search keyword: youngblood inquirer

I am crossing my fingers that the editor would give time to look at my article :)

P.S.

Oh! You wanna know what the article is about? hehe of course, love. What else? :))

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